Pearl Of Afrika

"The day came when the risk to remain tight in a bud was more painful than the risk it took to..."

Sun, 18 Jul 2010 14:38:47 -0500

““The day came when the risk to remain tight in a bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom.””

- Anaïs Nin

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Sun, 18 Jul 2010 14:36:07 -0500

random expectations

Wed, 19 Aug 2009 08:21:00 -0500

My mom always believed in me, my dad always believed I could do better. Are those the same things? If you tilt your head just right and squint your eyes— can you see that they both wanted the best for me?

Oh, I’m not so sure about my dad. I love him, but he haunts me… in the way that classical music lingers with you long after the audience has diminished.

I try not to think about my dad… but every so often he pushes his way into my consciousness and cannot be ignored. Even if he were dead, I’m sure I’d have these same struggles— maybe more so. At least now, there is a chance to prove that life is full of second chances, hopeful smiles, children laughing in the rain, rainbows that never end, butterflies that bid your happiness, squirrels that dance with glee, clouds that never gray, dew that never drops, tears that mean joy.

It’s easier to think of my dad, not as a person who loves me, but as a person I know. That would be far more accurate. Maybe not even “know.” Let’s go for “met a few times.”

Oh, I wish my mother hadn’t believed in everyone. But just the same, her belief and her willingness to see the good in all, has made me. I can’t deny that I’ve struggled against the incongruence of her reality vs. mine. I have lived my life deliberately against both parents’ footsteps. I will not over-indulge. I will not be unaccessible.

Aren’t we all walking a tight rope?

pearlofafrika

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Wed, 19 Aug 2009 08:12:02 -0500

complications.

Wed, 13 May 2009 12:35:00 -0500

My mother took her first breath in the same room where she drew her last one. Because of that, I developed my understanding of the circular patterns in life. Everything is a circle, even the universe. Filled with circles are we.

I don’t often think of my mother but when I do, it’s filled with an intense amount of sadness. It’s a case of Catch-22: I repress because of sadness and sadness remains because I repress.

Throughout the years, I’ll allowed bits and pieces and unresolved issues to bob to the surface… Recently, I tackled the idea of illness. Part of me was so afraid of her illness that I felt it start to take over me, in unexpected ways. Not only did I think we were doomed to the same destiny, I also felt afraid of everything.

One thing’s for sure— true love will equip you with the stare down any foe, even the most monstrous. With love holding you steady, you can defiantly watch these enemies diminish into nothingness. I am a champion of my love, because he has made me a braver woman in so many ways.

My mind falls back on my mother who was not brave. She was flawed, as we all are, but her flaws were incredibly exploited, because she had no shield of true love.

What a complicated matter.

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Tue, 24 Mar 2009 17:34:10 -0500

...daily

Sun, 22 Mar 2009 01:59:00 -0500

I will tell you this. I’ve spent many days ungrateful. I’ve found myself in the most extraordinary places, although I was completely lost. In my most complicated messes, I’ve witnessed the simple beauty of life. Life comes to us fragile, trembling, full of promise. We often disregard it. Or minimize it. Or forget to realize how easily broken it can be, and how much of a joy it should be.

I often catch myself experiencing the best days of my life with lackadaisical attitude. What a horrible posture to take. Life is really here to teach us, enchant us, mature us… My ungrateful response is immature at best. I’ve decided that joy is the posture of those who have attained the secret to life. Appreciation of life is a decision, and for some of us, like me, it requires a daily commitment. Daily appreciation of the beauty that is presented to us in each moment.

beginnings

Fri, 02 Jan 2009 03:56:57 -0600

Life is filled with redemption. Every breath gives us new hope. Every year reminds us of this. The past never really matters for long. The only thing that matters is what you do with this moment.

This moment may signify a new year, but long into 2009, each moment you encounter will still be new. Each moment comes to you as an evangelist of opportunity.

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Fri, 02 Jan 2009 03:47:00 -0600

"When you were born, you cried and the world rejoiced. Live your life in such a way so that when you..."

Thu, 18 Dec 2008 23:16:27 -0600

“When you were born, you cried and the world rejoiced. Live your life in such a way so that when you die, the world cries and you rejoice.”

- Cherokee Proverb

Empathy

Sat, 06 Dec 2008 17:54:00 -0600

When I was a little girl… on car trips, I would imagine myself going the opposite direction. For a long time, it was very difficult to change my perspective, but over time, it became easier, and now it’s a simple trick for me. This trick, I think, helped me to see things from the other side. It developed my empathy, as odd as that seems. Seeing one road from both angles, and quite honestly, roads are more alike than they are different.

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Sun, 23 Nov 2008 17:49:35 -0600

The Fable of the Hunting Dog

Sun, 23 Nov 2008 17:48:00 -0600

In the hairy savannas of far, far away
There once lived a hunting dog who wanted to play
Instead of searching for food with other dogs
Mumbi curiously observed hopping frogs.
Instead of bringing back food to feed the ill
Mumbi hunted for fun, and followed the thrill.

Mumbi was always distracted, but never meant wrong
He was even distracted when wrong came along!

One day, Mumbi’s mom gave him a specific mission,
“On the next hunt, you have a very important position.
You must watch out for any lions ahead,
and if you see them, tell your brothers to spread!”
You see, dogs and lions did not ever agree,
and when they saw lions, dogs would often just flee.

So the fun-loving Mumbi was eager to show
he was able to protect his brothers from woe.

So, the fun-loving dog started on his way
When Banana, the monkey, asked him to play.
“I can’t play today”, he said to Banana,
“I must scout out for lions in the savanna.”
“The lions won’t bother you,” said Banana, with glee,
“The whole pride of lions is asleep under that tree.”

Mumbi, relieved to hear Banana’s good news,
decided to play, there was nothing to lose.
The two journeyed along underneath the trees
following adventure wherever they please.
When twilight came, Mumbi decided to return
He found his mother at home with tears of concern.

Mumbi explained what he did with his day
about sleeping lions, and deciding to play.
“My foolish Mumbi,” his mother then sighed,
“Because of your playing, your brothers died!”
Mumbi didn’t believe her, so he went on his own
to search for his brothers, but all he found was a bone.

Moral: Don’t play until the work’s done.

"The evidence of God exists in the roundness of things."

Fri, 21 Nov 2008 08:42:26 -0600

“The evidence of God exists in the roundness of things.”

- Wally Lamb, I Know This Much To Be True

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Mon, 17 Nov 2008 21:59:49 -0600

.smoke that thunders

Mon, 17 Nov 2008 21:12:00 -0600

One of the clearest memories I have is my 6th birthday in Africa. We went to Victoria Falls, one of the seven wonders of the natural world. This is where I developed my fear of heights and showers. The waterfalls are massive. As I stood there, carefully holding the wisteria-wrapped railing, I saw the enormity of the world, and the smallness of myself. I remembered my mind just opening up.. That whole place was so gorgeous, Eden couldn’t have been more perfect.

My experience at Victoria Falls was both a fearful and fearless one. At that time, I realized how great God is, how He created such a marvelous, thunderous… and how He created little, ‘ole 6 year old me. There was beauty in both of us.

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Thu, 13 Nov 2008 12:39:44 -0600

.poverty

Thu, 13 Nov 2008 12:36:00 -0600

When I was younger, I never equated poverty with lack of funds. Poverty was and is a mentality, not an economic state.

I grew up in extremes. In my childhood, I experienced lavish wealth, with housekeepers and nannies and gardeners and personal cooks. I had Christmases filled with presents, and took vacations around the world. After the safaris and shopping trips, my mother and I spent her last years living with my grandma, in a shotgun house in the Deep South. We often scrapped together nickels and dimes and pennies to buy .39 cheeseburgers from the nearby fast food joint. We were strapped for money more times than not, but we were never poor.

The most important thing my mother gave me, besides entrance into the world, was a world view. She exposed me to different cultures, and mentalities. I understood that the world was immerse, and that no one is as limited as they believe. I rejected the idea of poverty as a lifestyle.

"Our lives begin to end the day we become silent about things that matter."

Thu, 13 Nov 2008 11:14:14 -0600

“Our lives begin to end the day we become silent about things that matter.”

- Martin Luther King, Jr

When I was younger, I was so in love with science fiction. I wanted to be a scientist, aboard a...

Wed, 12 Nov 2008 15:12:39 -0600

When I was younger, I was so in love with science fiction. I wanted to be a scientist, aboard a star ship (think Star Trek), and seek out new civilizations. Now, I’d settle for understanding my own.